The Hour Before Reset (a Heckmas poem)

A parody

‘Twas the hour before reset and all through the clan

The knights were unconscious, down to a man

The wall drags were flapping on top of their wall

A paltry defense ‘gainst the next Free For All


The huntresses slept all snug in the ‘racks

Dreaming of skeletons dead in their tracks

And Olga in her kerchief and Brax in his helm

Were settling down like the rest of the realm


When out in the land there arose such a ruckus

ATA had announced a new way they would ... us

Away to the forums we flew in a flash

To discover how now we would part with our cash


When what to our wondering eyes had appeared

But Cedric the nude, without also his beard

Showing all what was between that old belly and socks ... er,

And all wished with fervor he not doffed his boxers


He sat ‘stride a dragon just freshly reborn

A small useless fire baby girl Smolderhorn

More vapid than Todd, she flapped and she flew

And Cedric’s cried out—yikes, he sounds like a shrew—


“On Ruby! On Shelldon! On Bubbles and Yrrrrk!

Get off of that wall; get your asses to work!

This thing’s made of lava, and I’m in the buff

And sitting astride it is, shall I say, rough!


“Besides, she’s quite useless but at least she brings

Y’all a bunch of gold chow and some Vanbrace-y things

So put on your relics and eat up your chow

Cause it’s Tooth and Scale time and my bits are all OW!”


So down to the feeding grounds dragons they flew

And sucked back the chow and on relics they threw

In time for the upcoming mad Free-For-All

Then returned to their perches atop of the wall


And just when we thought we were healthy and hale

ATA then announced an ally fire sale

And faster than you could put in a ticket

The ally gold piled high before you could click it


And what of tomorrow will ATA say?

They’ll blame it on Todd, and throw some gems our way

And post an announcement that makes us all gag

“Merry Heckmas to you, and please enjoy lag!”